Episode 375 with Guy & Ilan Ferdman and Andrew O'Brien
In this episode of the Old Souls & Seekers podcast, Guy and Ilan Ferdman sit down with Andrew O'Brien, founder of Dad Tribes, a free, app-powered community for fathers that he says has members in 20 countries. Many dads in his audience work 40, 60, even 80 hours a week and fall into a Groundhog Day routine, assuming that is simply what providing costs. Together they explore what it takes to be a present dad, why leading yourself comes before leading a family, and why what kids see and feel at home teaches them more than what they are told. Andrew is also sharing this conversation on his own Dad Tribes podcast.
In Today's Episode:
- What Dad Tribes Is and Why It's Free
Andrew explains that Dad Tribes is about six years old, free for dads, and paid for by local businesses that advertise on the platform, with a mission to get men off screens and into real-life brotherhood. - Why Men Need In-Person Connection
Andrew points out that there is a ‘painting with a twist' for women but nothing like it for men. The hosts explain why men tend to isolate when they struggle, and why safe, in-person connection works as a resource for the nervous system. - The Groundhog Day Trap
Andrew describes his audience of 40, 60, and 80 hour a week dads on a rinse-and-repeat cycle. Guy explains why a 30-day sprint is doable but lifestyle change is harder, because people operate inside the patterns they recognize, and why starting small matters. - What Kids Actually Learn From the Home
Ilan says kids follow what they see and feel at home more than what they are told, and that how his son sees him treat his wife will shape how his son treats women. Guy names the grief he feels about a society that expects both parents back at work within weeks or months of a baby. - The Energy Behind the Action
Ilan says it is not about the actions you take but the energy behind them, and compares the nervous system to software: a brand new phone running old software still runs badly. Guy adds that you can't manage your way out of trauma. - Children as Growth Partners
Ilan shares a coach's phrase that calls children ‘growth partners,' and the idea that whatever irritates you in your kids points to something alive in you. Guy describes the father as the container that holds the energy of the home. - A Personal Turning Point
Andrew shares the personal turning point that changed how he shows up for his family, and why he believes carrying old pain keeps dads from becoming the father they want to be. - Meditation for Tough Guys and the 28-Day Challenge
Andrew, who describes himself as a high-energy former military guy, urges skeptical dads to try meditation with an open mind. Ilan explains the 28-day challenge of five to ten minutes a day and a Rinpoche's answer that meditation is not about quieting the mind, and Guy explains why stillness matters when you are running from what you don't want to feel.
You can't lead men if you're not leading yourself.
Andrew O'Brien
Whether you are a dad, a future dad, or someone who works with men, this conversation is a practical look at presence, self-leadership, and the kind of community that helps both last. Learn more about Dad Tribes at dadtribes.com or by searching the App Store, or message Ilan directly on WhatsApp at satoriprime.com/wailan with questions about meditation or anything you heard.
It's not about the actions you take, it's about the energy behind the action.
Ilan Ferdman
Episode Timestamps:
- 00:00 | Intro
- 01:31 | Meeting Andrew and the Dad Tribes Story
What Dad Tribes is, why men need in-person connection, how unmet emotions in childhood shape grown men, and the Groundhog Day trap of 40 to 80 hour weeks. - 36:16 | A Quick Word About the Rich & Regulated Workshop
- 37:31 | Back to the Conversation
Children as growth partners, Andrew's personal turning point, and meditation for high-energy men. - 74:10 | Closing Thoughts and How to Support the Show
Resources Mentioned
- Dad Tribes: dadtribes.com
- Rich & Regulated Workshop: satoriprime.com/workshop
- Message Ilan on WhatsApp: satoriprime.com/wailan
- Journey of Souls by Michael Newton (audiobook recommended by Ilan)
Frequently Asked Questions
Andrew and the hosts treat presence as more than hours in the house. Ilan says kids follow what they see and feel at home more than what they are told, so the work starts with the father's own self-leadership. Guy suggests starting small, with five to ten minutes of stillness and regular connection with men you trust.
Dad Tribes is a free, app-powered community for fathers founded by Andrew O'Brien about six years ago. Andrew says it has members in 20 countries, mostly English-speaking, and is funded by local businesses that advertise on the platform rather than by member fees. Its aim is to get men off screens and into real-life connection. You can find it at dadtribes.com or by searching the App Store.
Guy says a 30-day sprint is doable for most people, but making something your lifestyle is harder because people operate inside the patterns they recognize, even painful ones. He recommends starting small. Ilan describes a 28-day challenge of five to ten minutes a day and says the real effect shows in the hours after the practice and in how off a day feels when you miss it.
Andrew, who describes himself as high-strung with a brain that runs 100 miles an hour, says meditation helped him and urges skeptical men to try it with an open mind. Ilan says a Rinpoche they trained with laughed at the idea that meditation is meant to quiet the mind: you let the mind do its thing and watch. Guy adds that it doesn't need to look traditional, and five minutes in a chair counts.
Ilan says how his son treats women and how his daughter chooses a partner will come from what they see at home, not from instructions. Andrew agrees kids do what they watch rather than what they are told. Andrew and Guy also say it can be healthy for kids to see a disagreement as long as they see the repair.
Ilan shares a phrase from one of their coaches that calls children growth partners. The idea is that whatever irritates you in your kids points to something alive in you, and each rough moment is a chance to prepare for the next one instead of repeating the same pattern.
Keep listening: Last week, Guy and Ilan talked about AI, college, and the fatherhood book Ilan has been avoiding in episode 374.
Why Years of Inner Work Still Leave You With the Same Patterns.
Watch this free 9-minute video from Guy and Ilan to discover why lasting change begins with the nervous system—not just the mind. You'll also receive an invitation to the free live Pattern Release Workshop. Tap here to learn more.
